unprompted/Notes/beliefs.md

Rough Notes

• I can't remember where I read it, probably in Systems Thinking, something about dissent having to die off before a prevailing theory changes.
• The assertion that individuals are locked in to their beliefs.
• I go through these arcs:
  • a life of no substance is waste
  • then, all is waste:
    • Assessing substance is rooted in values
    • how can something so subjective possibly reflect objective 'value?'
  • That if I cannot grow
    • That's ok, because I don't owe anyone anything?
• [belief] It's not enough to simply exist
  • Your value (however you price it), must be undeniable
  • Mediocrity is not just a moral failing, it's basically criminal (against God, why not.)
  • That I deserve nothing, I earn everything (and even what I've earned, I really don't deserve, I just cheated, somehow.)
  • That just being, is just waiting around to die (and why waste time?)
  • That we don't ready ourselves for death through contentment, but by action.
  • And since I am deeply unoriginal, I can only assume this is just a modern twist on Catholic guilt:
    • in death, you shall be rewarded for the quality of your life, as measured by:
      • children
      • toil
      • tithe
    • there's no reward after death, but in those final minutes, sure, you'll rest-easy knowing you worked yourself raw.
    • Small comfort for the ugly deaths then
      • no shits given for your merits
  • But it's frightening to kick the tires on the vehicle I've been strapped to.
  • If I break it, dismantle it, then what?
    • How do I propel myself forward?
  • I think that's frightening for a couple reasons:
    • Not just the obvious uncertainty
    • But having seen people wrestle with it and struggle for decades.
    • For all the hard work, to be knocked down on your ass unceremoniously.
    • To search desperately for any kind of momentum, and finding nothing left.
    • That sucks, so yeah, it's got issues, but the ride that moves I'm gonna latch on [belief] moral superiority will deliver you unto the kingdom of heaven
    • Who needs friends when you've got virtuous consumerism, aescetic inclinations (no gas, I ride),
    • The best bandaid for loneliness is to imagine a carbon-neutral passive home, somewhere far away without the remotest possibility of connection with anyone or anything (maybe a snake, some kind of burrowing rodent.) [belief] There's no time for fun, we have work to do.

Questions

• Why don't I ask questions?
  • A question that ties nicely to a quote:
  • "If you never say anything wrong, you never say anything."
• A general law is bound to have at least two exceptions?
  • What about arithmetic? Though that one is bound to sneak an exception in through the definitions.
  • I think we already called out Thermodynamics earlier. Again, saved by carefully crafted definitions
• How can I take anything I say outloud seriously? Or have the nerve to write down? A moment later, I've seen the other angle where I'm tragically misguided. Maybe I've just never thought something through well enough, to see it baked through, all the arguments and counter-arguments, where I'm left holding neither reason nor sentiment. Just a vague, fuzzy intuition, where I'm no longer suprised by the challenges.
• Why do I get caught off-guard?
  • I didn't think of it first.
  • I didn't consider the opposition, I just sat comfortably in my belief, in the false-security of the unchallenged, unexamined belief.
  • Then, when the inevitable challenge does come, I'm shocked and bewildered and outraged and hurt.
  • Because I threw myself upon a raft seeking relief without checking its worthiness.

Quotes

• "The Law of Conservation of Laws"
  • Systems
  • In the face of disputing evidence
    • change the definitions
    • don't scrap the law