[columns] bulbs

Notes/random.md

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 ## Welcome
 I added this as a general catch-all. Not that I expect to find nuggets of viable content. But to clean house upstairs.
 
+## 2026-05-13
+
+What's on my mind this time? If I had one thing I just had to get out... what? I don't have great career advice. I don't have access to deep insights that you couldn't find online somewhere. I don't feel so invested one way or another, deeply enough that I have anything profound that I must absolutely share.
+
+I was late to the party. All the cool kids had gone off to launch some new venture I wasn't invited to. The rest of us kicking around telling stories about how awesome it used to be, so we'd heard. Meanwhile the excitement, the glory, seemed to have long since vanished. But it's impossible for me to say whether this has always been the case. But it's something I've often suspected: there are pockets of nostalgics lamenting the way things used to be (whether they had been there or not.) The excitement tends to follow the exciting people. There are exciting things happening anywhere exciting people are doing exciting things. So it's a bit ridiculous to make it all about other people: after all, if you're choosing the un-exciting people to be around, some of them might just be nostalgic, cynical, or downright pessimistic. If you can't muster your own excitement, how can you begin to find it? And if you only surround yourself with beige personality, then it's no suprise that the world looks a little hollow.
+
+## 2026-05-12
+
+Dear Diary,
+
+How do I settle my deep distaste for other people? Do I start with
+myself? Verily (and I mean really verily) my burning contempt for others is merely a misplaced proxy for my own uninspired self-loathing. If only I could, not find, but make peace with myself then I could embrace the misfortunate souls who surround me.
+
+QED motherfuckers
+
 ## 2026-04-19
 I grew up near a strip of state highway, known locally as our "auto mile." It was so named for its most obvious feature: a pair of enormous parking lots, anchored by dealerships for all the major American car brands, running down along either side. Each time you drove through, it would add a click or so to your odomoter. A Local landmark.
 Not so many clicks away, along another 'bout-a-mile-long slice of municipal asphalt, some other major American brands (and even a few European ones) were dealing out Christ (and Mary). There was the Catholic church, the Methodist church, the First Baptist church, the (other) Baptist church, the (other) Catholic church, the Episcopal church, the Catholic convent (Sisters of Jesus and Mary), and Sacred Heart (the other, other Catholic Church.) There was also an American Legion (with Sunday Services), and something I initially mistook for a boxing gym, called Victory Bible. Reviewers online praise it for its "ample parking lot."

columns/2026-05-14-thrilling.md

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+---
+title: 12-Watt Bulbs 
+date: 2026-05-14
+layout: column.njk
+tags: column
+permalink: /columns/2026/thrilling/
+---
+
+Was I late? Was the party over? It seemed like everyone in the know had already gone off to launch some new venture I wasn't involved in. Raptured while the rest of us left behind shuffled around and shared second-hand stories about how great things used to be, so we'd heard. Meanwhile the excitement seemed to have long since faded. But what do I know, really? Maybe this has always been the case. Everywhere you look there are pockets of nostalgics lamenting the way things used to be (whether they had been there or not). The excited people had maybe just gone to lunch, doing exciting things over their exciting salads. So it's all a bit ridiculous. If we find ourselves hanging around dullards, and choosing to stay, then the lack of luminance in our jaded lives might have less to do with their nostalgia or cynicism. If we can't muster our own excitement, would we even know where to find it? Would we even try?