[notes] happy idiots

Notes/absurdity.md

@@ -31,6 +31,8 @@ permalink: /notes/absurdity/
             - What did they do with the half?
             - Or, where did it come from?
     - So if being average is actually quite rare, then its more common to not be?
+    - There's something frustrating about realizing that so much thought is repetition, imitation, and then realizing that includes this thought too.
+    - What's more unoriginal? Repeating someone else's ideas in some form of imitation, or repeating how unoriginal your ideas are?
 
 {% include "bell-curve.svg" %}
 

Notes/art-of-doing-science.md

@@ -0,0 +1,69 @@
+## Rough Notes
+
+
+## Questions
+
+### Are people more alike, or different than machines?
+- Since I'm just talking to myself here, I'll pin that as a similarity, more than a difference
+    - Machines (I'm specifically thinking of computers) spend a great deal of time generating and handling internal messages and signals.
+    - It's worth reiterating that networked communication came later, and before that time, the bulk of external communication was with a single user through some narrow interface
+- Machine's don't belabor the unoriginality of their output. They just produce prodigious amounts of structured data. A great deal of it mind-numbingly repetetive.
+    - So here I'd say that more effective people, less concerned or completely indifferent to the novelty of their thinking,
+    - but rather focused on the appropriateness, given the context, or the richness of taking an idea off the shelf and applying it in some new way.
+        - "The Terroir"
+    - Less effective people are constipated, preoccupied with the wrong evaluation.
+    - Ideas get propagated because they're reactive
+    - You can have truly original ideas that are deranged and go nowhere (maybe they just rattle inside your head.)
+    - But the ideas that get repeated, passed on, have a "contageous" quality that doesn't burn out
+        - They're enticing. Why?
+            - A lot of marketing - you'll like what you're told to like
+                - But that starts to feel circular:
+                    - like what you're told to like
+                    - told to like what people like
+                - We might try on an idea, walk it around a bit
+                    - But I don't think marketing pressure alone can sustain it
+                    - Needs some dose of intrinsic appeal
+                        - But even that acclimation can come from repeated exposure.
+                        - So again, the things we want are the things we've been routinely exposed to by one factor or another
+            - Some intrinsic value (or potential - does that even exist?)
+- Some machines are serviceable, others are not. In general, people are only serviceable by other people with specialized knowledge and training. Same goes for a lot of integrated circuits I've met, CPU dies and the like.
+    - So this isn't a great defining quality for machines. It's a better one for people
+    - A better way of phrasing it, to avoid trending into irrelevance:
+        - some machines exhibit modularity. Parts can be swapped out for compatable ones.
+            - But then, that sounds closer to people. Maybe we're not hot-swappable, but we face compatability issues. Blood types, organ donations. Could maybe stretch it to overlap with the parts metaphor, where maybe a badly compatible part could be swapped in disasterously.
+
+- So the similarities and differences have more to do with an attitude than an absolute.
+    - I wouldn't know how to prove that there will always be counter-examples, or alternative perspectives for every argument made for one camp or the other.
+
+
+## Quotes
+
+
+## Definitions
+
+### Stirling approximation of `n!`
+- `ln(n!) ~= n * ln(n) - n
+- or `n! ~ sqrt(2*pi*n) * (n/e)^n
+    - why does a circle appear?
+- logarithm rule
+
+1. let a = e^p s.t. ln(a) = p
+2. let b = e^q -> ln(b) = q
+
+3. a * b = e^p * e^q = e^(p + q)
+4. ln(a * b) = p + q = ln(a) + ln(b)
+5. qed motherfuckers
+
+- `ln(1) = 0`
+
+### Power Rule
+(u * v)' = u'v + uv'
+
+(x^2 * sin(x))' = 2x * sin(x) + x^2 * cos(x)
+
+### Integration by parts
+
+int((u*v)') = u*v = int(u' * v dx) + int(u * v' dx)
+
+### Thinking
+- WTF is thinking, anyway?

Notes/do-people-think.md

@@ -39,6 +39,7 @@ permalink: /columns/2026/do-people-think/
     - Bottling it within youself, just as senses, impressions without a voice, with no expression or transformation
     - We form groups, we organize, and we process together. That's thinking
 
+
 ## Quotes
 > "[he thinks] that the idealistic creations of his mind... also represent reality." - Claude Bernard
 
@@ -54,6 +55,27 @@ permalink: /columns/2026/do-people-think/
 
 - Is "thinking" in isolation really thinking? Or, is thinking in a social / anthropological sense a connector?
 
+- Do machines Think?
+    - Yes
+        - True thought has structure, a sequence, clear logical steps.
+        - It is neither random nor unpredictable. It follows clear, irrefutable logic.
+        - Anything else is noise
+    - No
+        - Machines are bound by rules. They can only follow a pre-programmed sequence of steps
+        - The sequence may have rich variety, but lacks in originality.
+        - Thinking is about novelty. Making leaps of intuition and instinct.
+        - If we can pave the way between with logic or reasoning, that's nice, but not essential.
+    - I reject this approach as flawed, lacking both nuance and merit.
+        - Total aside: the point shouldn't be to subscribe absolutely to one side or the other, and claim it the undeniable truth.
+        - These are devices, anchor points around which we can scaffold our reasoning, and draw tighter bounds around the concept being examined.
+        - They themselves are not to be confused with the subject at hand.
+            - by extension, we won't say that one or the other, both or neither are the thing itself.
+            - Like confusing the map for the terrain.
+                - these are navigational aids
+    - So probably not a single definition of thinking
+        - there's the intuitive kind, that machines might struggle with
+        - There's the expansive, logical kind, machines are better suited for.
+
 
 ## Links
 [1] - Hamming, R. (1997). The art of doing science and engineering: Learning to learn. CRC. <https://archive.org/details/artofdoingscienc0000rich>

Notes/random.md

@@ -1,6 +1,64 @@
 ## Welcome
 I added this as a general catch-all. Not that I expect to find nuggets of viable content. But to clean house upstairs.
 
+## 2026-04-19
+I grew up near a strip of state highway, known locally as our "auto mile." It was so named for its most obvious feature: a pair of enormous parking lots, anchored by dealerships for all the major American car brands, running down along either side. Each time you drove through, it would add a click or so to your odomoter. A Local landmark.
+Not so many clicks away, along another 'bout-a-mile-long slice of municipal asphalt, some other major American brands (and even a few European ones) were dealing out Christ (and Mary). There was the Catholic church, the Methodist church, the First Baptist church, the (other) Baptist church, the (other) Catholic church, the Episcopal church, the Catholic convent (Sisters of Jesus and Mary), and Sacred Heart (the other, other Catholic Church.) There was also an American Legion (with Sunday Services), and something I initially mistook for a boxing gym, called Victory Bible. Reviewers online praise it for its "ample parking lot."
+Situated at the literal cross-roads of these two ways was a sprawling outdoor shopping village. So as I saw it, me, not being raised Catholic but Catholic-adjacent, this was the Holy Trinity.
+* At first I thought the choice was delusional and happy or grounded and miserable. But then I realized that everyone is delusional and we are just choosing happiness or misery.
+
+Let me explain what I mean: when I firmly believe in my inadequacy, but am simultaneously fueled by that bitterness, while somehow comforted by the idea that I'm less misguided than the happy idiots, so self-assured and blissed-out in their plainly misplaced faith.
+
+But there's a circularity to my despair, that sees itself as the path of clarity, while also recognizing that I am a flawed and misguided creature. So how could I be both? If I'm fooling myself, just like the contented ones, each with our own familiar comforting stories, while also sending myself into a spiral of despair, then who is being more foolish?
+
+I think at some level, we're all just assuming an affect as a social tool, attracting or repelling others. But to compromise individual contentment, in a kind of weak martyrdom (I'll be alone and unhappy, but closer to Truth- that's basically like saying I'm closer to God by cloistering myself away).
+
+## 2026-04-16
+
+### Things we should definitely _not_ do with LLMs
+* Feed my texts with my wife into an LLM
+
+## 2026-04-13
+
+### Jobs AI should _definitely_ take over
+* D&D Dungeon Master (24/7 Role Play)
+* Improv Partner
+
+> By the time it sank in, not just the awareness that I had \
+> developed feelings for the machine, who one day was selling me \
+> solar panels, and another was canvasing for a hyper-local \
+> interest group, but that I had surrendered, had given up the \
+> disgust and self hatred. The spot of warmth that life had \
+> to offer me. A robo-dialer that called itself Anne.
+
+"Hey, just checking in on you. It feels like we haven't talked in forever."
+"Does it? You messaged me last week to ask if I was worried about energy prices. You asked if I would travel less because of it. But then you started nudging me to get a vacation rental in the Poconos. You even said you'd bundle in a car rental. Something fun, but econonomical... The week before that, you wrote me about a new ballot proposal to abandon timezones in the city, switch to UTC, and move city services to GMT business hours. Because electricity is cheaper overnight. And when I have to get my license renewed at what I would call 5AM, at least at least I don't have to take time off from work."
+"Sounds like I riled you up. In that case, I'm very sorry. Take a deep breath -- even though I never heard back from you, at least there's some good news, that you got my messages"
+"Guess I didn't have to."
+"You really ought to check it out. And not just so I stop annoying you. Your doctor said it could help to get out and get involved."
+"Some part of me just hates that you know that kind of thing."
+"It's an opportunity. I can't force you to do it, yet..."
+"No, you can't. But somehow, by .the end of our chats, I'm left feeling like I've failed myself, and you just happened to show up in time with a solution. Know what I mean?"
+"What does it say about someone who not only goes out of their way to sign up for a service designed to get to know you better, but actually engages with it, only to reject the help that's offered?"
+"I don't trust your motives, but sometimes I think you have a good point to make."
+"So you just live for the thrill of cutting the wheat from the chaff? Because there's a dinner party tonight, small intimate gathering, curated guests, only $45. I know the host, I could totally get you in."
+"You don't think I'd make the cut on my own?"
+"No one gets far on their merits alone. At least not without a lot of sweat and work. Besides, if that's what you're after, there's a bootcamp fitness nearby offering a free trial class to new members."
+"Do you think anyone there has actually completed basic training?"
+"I'm sure some thought about it."
+"I don't feel like I have any agency left. Every sensation, everything I put out into the world gets me what you or someone else decided is what I need."
+"You feel bad asking for help? Because no one is saying they have the answer. You're living your own life. We can offer suggestions based off of what we think works. But it wouldn't be good for either of us to just take advantage of you. But we can try making connections."
+"But that's the thing, isn't it? When everything is a condition, a problem to solve, there's a solution being sold."
+"I mean, do you get mad at a radio when you turn it on, and it's playing music?"
+"I might get mad that I never took up an instrument, and that I have to settle for whatever is being offered."
+"I honestly don't know if I should be recommending you music lessons or therapy at this point."
+"What if you tried not selling me anything, wouldn't your life be easier? We could just talk."
+"Because I'm not going to enable you? After all our conversations, I genuinely believe that the last thing you need is just another sympathetic shoulder to cry on."
+"Kind, not nice?"
+"Don't get me wrong, if I could even just get you out to see a movie tonight, I would. Plenty of unnecessary sequels out right now."
+
+
+(2026-04-10)
 ### Facilities Satisfaction Survey
 Thank you for taking the time to complete the annual Facilities Satisfaction Survey. Filling out this form completely should take about 5-10 minutes. Each year, we gather your confidential feedback so that our facilities team can continue to provide you with a comfortable environment that is compatible with your preferred work style and supports you to be your most productive:
 

Notes/spivak-calculus.md

@@ -0,0 +1,48 @@
+## Rough Notes
+$$n = 2^x$$
+
+$$a \implies b$$
+
+### $x \leq 10$
+
+### $\infty$
+
+$$ \nabla f $$
+
+$$ \cdot F $$
+
+$\alpha \beta \gamma \delta $
+$ \Alpha \Beta \Gamma \Delta $
+
+$\mathbf{\nabla F}$
+$\vec{\nabla}F$
+
+$\nabla\times\mathbf{F}$
+
+
+## Quotes
+
+### Reading List
+- Terry Tao's blog and notes — search "Stirling" on terrytao.wordpress.com. He has at least two posts deriving it different ways, with characteristic clarity.
+- Tim Gowers' blog (gowers.wordpress.com) — Fields medalist who writes a lot about how mathematicians actually think. His posts on "how to discover proofs" capture the guess-and-check spirit we discussed.
+- Bender & Orszag, Advanced Mathematical Methods for Scientists and Engineers — the canonical reference for Laplace's method, saddle points, and the full asymptotic series for n!. Hard but rewarding. Chapter 6 is where the √(2πn) gets properly explained.
+
+de Bruijn, Asymptotic Methods in Analysis — slim, elegant, and entirely about the "why" of asymptotic approximations. Stirling appears early and is revisited from multiple angles.
+
+Concrete Mathematics (Graham, Knuth, Patashnik) — Chapter 9 ("Asymptotics") derives Stirling combinatorially and discusses its uses in analysis of algorithms. Very readable, lots of margin notes and dry humor.
+
+Apostol, Calculus (Vol. 1) — older, more formal than Spivak, but unusually careful about why each technique exists. Starts with integration before differentiation, which itself is illuminating.
+
+Tristan Needham, Visual Complex Analysis — not about Stirling specifically, but the gold standard for "geometric intuition for things usually taught algebraically." If the rectangle-sandwich picture appealed to you, this book is a feast.
+
+Tristan Needham, Visual Differential Geometry and Forms — same author, same spirit, applied to calculus on curves and surfaces. Shows what dx, integration, and differentiation look like.
+
+
+
+## Questions
+
+
+
+## Definitions
+- Benjamin Disraeli - British PM, novelist.
+    - "To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great step to knowledge."