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Stephen Donahue
2026-05-06 04:02:23 +00:00
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columns/2026-04-19-happy-idiots.md
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---
title: WiP - Happy Idiots
title: Happy Idiots
date: 2026-04-19
layout: column.njk
tags: column
permalink: /columns/2026/happy-idiots/
---
I grew up near a strip of state highway, known locally as our "auto mile." It was so named for its most obvious feature: a pair of enormous parking lots, anchored by dealerships for all the major American car brands, running down along either side. Each time you drove through, it would add a click or so to your odomoter. A Local landmark.
On the billboards and TV ads, they'd call it the "Auto Mile." It was a strip of state highway, not far from where I lived, sandwiched by two enormous parking lots. Despite being anchored by dealerships for several major American car brands, as a local landmark, it felt pretty weak. It wouldn't even add a click to your odomoter if you drove the length of it.
Not so many clicks away, along another 'bout-a-mile-long slice of municipal asphalt, some other major American brands (and even a few European ones) were dealing out Christ (and Mary). There was the Catholic church, the Methodist church, the First Baptist church, the (other) Baptist church, the (other) Catholic church, the Episcopal church, the Catholic convent (Sisters of Jesus and Mary), and Sacred Heart (the other, other Catholic Church.) There was also an American Legion (with Sunday Services), and something I initially mistook for a boxing gym, called Victory Bible. Reviewers online praise it for its "ample parking lot."
But if you turned around instead and drove a couple (proper) miles to yet another strip mall, you'd find all of the churches. Arguably, an even larger, more impressive assembly of major American brands (and even a few imports from Europe.) There was the Catholic church, and the Methodist church. There was the First Baptist church, then the (other) Baptist church, and then the (other) Catholic church. There was the Episcopal church, the Catholic convent (Sisters of Jesus and Mary), and then Sacred Heart (the other, other Catholic Church.) There was the American Legion (with Sunday Services), and something called Victory Bible, which I initially mistook for a boxing gym. Reviewers online praised its "ample parking lot."
Situated at the literal cross-roads of these two ways was a sprawling outdoor shopping village. So as I saw it, me, not being raised Catholic but Catholic-adjacent, this was the Holy Trinity.
If you then decided to turn back again towards the car dealerships, you'd soon encounter yet another enormous parking lot situated at the literal cross-roads of these two highways. This one surrounding a sprawling outdoor shopping village. Six lanes of traffic delivered visitors by the thousands. So as I came to see it, being raised staunchly Catholic-adjacent, God, gas prices and credit card interest had to have been the Holy Trinity. And by not being beholden to such spirits, I was about as far from grace as you could get down by exit 38.